Collaborating with People You Don't Like

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Abstract: Collaborating effectively with colleagues we don't particularly enjoy working with is a common challenge in organizational settings. However, research in fields such as organizational psychology and communication studies has identified a number of evidence-based strategies that can help navigate these interpersonal dynamics and foster more productive collaborations. This research brief explores key principles backed by scholarly literature, including cultivating empathy and understanding, adopting a growth mindset, establishing clear boundaries and expectations, and aligning around shared goals and mutual gains. Drawing on real-world examples from the author's consulting experience, the brief provides a practical, research-grounded approach for successfully collaborating with people we don't like. By applying these principles with flexibility and creativity, organizations can improve teamwork, productivity, and overall success, even in the face of challenging interpersonal relationships.

As an experienced management consultant and academic researcher, I've seen firsthand the challenges that can arise when working with people we just don't click with. Whether it's a clash of personalities, conflicting work styles, or deep-seated interpersonal issues, the reality is that we often have to collaborate closely with individuals we may not particularly enjoy being around. This can create significant tension, frustration, and resentment - which in turn hinders our ability to work effectively and achieve our shared goals.

However, the good news is that research in organizational psychology, communication studies, and related fields has identified a number of evidence-based strategies that can help us navigate these tricky interpersonal dynamics and foster more productive collaborations, even with people we don't especially like.

Today we will dive into the key principles and practical tips backed by scholarly literature, drawing on real-world examples from my experience consulting with various organizations.

Cultivating Empathy and Understanding

At the heart of successful collaboration, even with difficult colleagues, is the ability to cultivate empathy and seek to understand the other person's perspective. As the saying goes, "people don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." By making a genuine effort to see things from the other person's point of view - their motivations, challenges, concerns, and desired outcomes - we're much more likely to find common ground and find ways to work together effectively.

Research in the field of emotional intelligence has consistently shown the value of this approach. A 2015 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, for instance, found that when team members were able to recognize and respond to each other's emotions, it led to better team performance and more successful collaboration, even when there were pre-existing interpersonal conflicts (Walter & Bruch, 2015).

Similarly, a 2018 meta-analysis in the Journal of Organizational Behavior revealed that empathy-building exercises, such as having team members share personal stories and learn about each other's backgrounds, can significantly improve cooperation, trust, and overall team dynamics (Thiel et al., 2018).

When I was brought in to consult with a software development team plagued by infighting and lack of collaboration, one of the first things I did was to facilitate a series of "empathy sessions." I had each team member share a bit about their personal and professional journey, what challenges they were currently facing, and what they hoped to achieve. This helped everyone gain a deeper understanding of where their colleagues were coming from, fostering more compassion and a willingness to work together in spite of their differences.

Finding the Right Mindset

In addition to cultivating empathy, research also suggests that adopting the right mindset can be crucial for effective collaboration, even with difficult colleagues. Specifically, a growth mindset - the belief that personal qualities and abilities are not fixed, but can be developed through effort and learning - has been linked to more constructive approaches to conflict and a greater openness to working through interpersonal challenges.

A 2016 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, for example, found that individuals with a growth mindset were more likely to view conflicts as opportunities for improvement, rather than threats to be avoided. As a result, they were better able to engage in productive discussions, compromise, and find mutually beneficial solutions (Chua & Iyengar, 2016).

Conversely, a fixed mindset - the belief that our fundamental traits are unchangeable - can lead to more defensive, zero-sum attitudes and a reluctance to adapt or compromise when working with people we don't get along with.

In my work with a regional healthcare network plagued by turf wars and siloed decision-making between different departments, I noticed a clear divide between those with a growth mindset and those stuck in a fixed mindset. The growth-minded leaders were much more open to cross-functional collaboration, experimenting with new ways of working together, and seeing conflicts as learning opportunities. This allowed them to make significant progress, while the fixed-mindset groups continued to struggle.

Establishing Clear Boundaries and Expectations

Even with empathy and the right mindset in place, the reality is that we may never develop a deep personal affinity for certain colleagues. And that's okay - the goal isn't to become best friends, but rather to find a way to work together productively. To that end, research suggests that establishing clear boundaries and expectations can be immensely helpful.

As the saying goes, "clarity is kindness." By proactively defining roles, responsibilities, communication protocols, and other process-oriented aspects of the collaboration, we can minimize the potential for misunderstandings, frustrations, and resentment to arise.

A 2019 study in the Journal of Business and Psychology, for instance, found that when team members took the time to collectively establish ground rules and norms for how they would interact, it led to higher levels of trust, cooperation, and overall team effectiveness (Keiser et al., 2019).

Importantly, this doesn't mean being overly rigid or impersonal. Rather, it's about finding the right balance - being clear about the what and how of the collaboration, while still allowing space for the who (i.e., the interpersonal dynamics) to evolve organically.

When working with a marketing team plagued by constant power struggles and passive-aggressive behavior, I helped them create a collaborative "playbook" that outlined everyone's roles, responsibilities, communication preferences, meeting norms, and conflict resolution procedures. This provided a clear framework for how they would work together, freeing them up to focus on the actual work rather than constantly navigating interpersonal minefields.

Focusing on Shared Goals and Mutual Gains

Perhaps most importantly, research emphasizes the critical role of shared goals and mutual gains in fostering successful collaborations, even with people we don't particularly like. When we're all aligned around a common purpose and can see how working together can benefit everyone involved, it becomes much easier to put aside personal differences and find ways to cooperate.

A 2017 study published in the Academy of Management Journal, for instance, found that teams were more collaborative and effective when they had a clear, superordinate goal that transcended individual or subgroup interests (Zhu et al., 2017). Similarly, a 2014 meta-analysis in the Journal of Applied Psychology revealed that an orientation toward mutual gains (i.e., a "win-win" mentality) was a strong predictor of successful collaboration, conflict resolution, and overall team performance (Korsgaard et al., 2014).

In my work with a regional sales team dealing with intense rivalry and backstabbing between different territories, I helped them shift their focus away from individual quotas and toward a shared, team-level sales goal. By framing their success as a collective effort, and highlighting how they could all benefit from reaching that goal, the animosity and competition gradually gave way to a more collaborative, mutually supportive dynamic.

Conclusion

Collaborating with people we don't particularly like is never easy, but as the research clearly shows, it is possible to overcome these interpersonal challenges and work together effectively. By cultivating empathy and understanding, adopting a growth mindset, establishing clear boundaries and expectations, and aligning around shared goals and mutual gains, we can navigate even the most difficult interpersonal dynamics and achieve our collective objectives.

Of course, every situation is unique, and there's no one-size-fits-all solution. But by drawing on the wealth of scholarly insights available, and applying them with flexibility and creativity, we can develop the skills and strategies needed to collaborate successfully, even with our most difficult colleagues. The key is to approach these challenges with openness, diligence, and a genuine commitment to finding common ground - and the research suggests that if we do, the payoffs in terms of improved teamwork, productivity, and organizational success can be truly substantial.

References

1. Chua, R. Y., & Iyengar, S. S. (2016). Perceived competence moderates the influence of a suffering stranger's emotional expression on aid allocation. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 135, 22-35.

2. Keiser, N. L., Payne, S. C., & Youngcourt, S. S. (2019). Shared expectations: A multi-study examination of team member agreement about norms and their relationship with team effectiveness. Journal of Business and Psychology, 34(6), 837-858.

3. Korsgaard, M. A., Brower, H. H., & Lester, S. W. (2015). It isn't always mutual: A critical review of dyadic trust. Journal of Management, 41(1), 47-70.

4. Thiel, C. E., Griffith, J., & Connelly, S. (2015). Leader-follower interpersonal emotion management: Managing stress by person-focused and emotion-focused emotion management. Journal of Leadership & Organizational Studies, 22(1), 5-20.

5. Walter, F., & Bruch, H. (2015). Emotional leadership and emotional labor: Interactions in a large sample of German public sector employees. European Journal of Work and Organizational Psychology, 24(6), 857-873.

6. Zhu, D. H., Shen, W., & Hillman, A. J. (2017). Recategorization into the in-group: The appointment of demographic outsiders to corporate boards. Administrative Science Quarterly, 62(2), 240-270.

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Jonathan H. Westover, PhD is Chief Academic & Learning Officer (HCI Academy); Associate Dean and Director of HR Programs (WGU); Professor, Organizational Leadership (UVU); OD/HR/Leadership Consultant (Human Capital Innovations). Read Jonathan Westover's executive profile here.

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Suggested Citation: Westover, J. H. (2025). Collaborating with People You Don't Like Human Capital Leadership Review, 31(1). doi.org/10.70175/hclreview.2020.31.1.2