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Why You Should Stop Trying to Fix Yourself

Jonathan H. Westover, PhD
Jun 22
6 min read

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Abstract: This article challenges the culture of perfectionism that permeates personal development and organizational leadership, arguing instead for acceptance of human limitations. Drawing on psychological research, it demonstrates how striving for flawless performance activates harmful stress responses and contradicts our inherent imperfections. The article proposes that leaders should foster environments where imperfection is normalized through vulnerability, strength-focused development, and viewing mistakes as learning opportunities. Case studies from companies like Patagonia and Whole Foods illustrate how embracing human limitations rather than demanding perfection leads to greater innovation, well-being, and employee retention. By offering practical strategies for leaders to assess perfectionist tendencies and cultivate self-compassion, the article presents a compelling alternative to the exhausting cycle of constant self-improvement—one founded on acceptance rather than the futile pursuit of fixing ourselves.

We live in a culture that tells us we can perfectly control our lives if we just work hard enough on personal growth and self-improvement. But the relentless pursuit of fixing ourselves often backfires, leaving us feeling like failures for not being able to change who we are. As organizational leaders, it's all too easy to fall into this perfectionist trap ourselves as we aim to optimize every aspect of our business and employees. However, the healthiest path forward is founded on acceptance, not constant striving.

Today we will explore why fixing yourself rarely works, share research-backed insights into a wiser approach, and offer practical leadership examples of embracing human imperfection.

The Perfectionist Trap

A wealth of research proves that perfectionism is not only unrealistic but psychologically harmful (Flett & Hewitt, 2002). Striving for flawless results and endless self-criticism activates the body's stress response, leaving us burnt out and less productive over time (Besser & Zeigler-Hill, 2018). And yet our culture promotes the idea that with enough grit and willpower, we can mold ourselves into perfect high performers (Cain, 2012). This sets leaders and employees up to feel like failures when inevitable human weaknesses emerge.

The problem with perfectionism is that it denies our shared human experience. We all have strengths and limitations outside of our control, such as genetic predispositions, upbringings, and life circumstances. Attempting to fix innate parts of who we are through brute force willpower is a pointless, exhausting struggle (Brown, 2015). A wiser approach is to accept ourselves and others as imperfect works in progress.

Embracing Imperfection

Rather than trying in vain to eradicate weaknesses, research suggests the healthiest path is consciously accepting human limitations (Iskender, 2009). This allows space for grace, growth, and compassion - both for oneself and others. An organizational culture that embraces imperfection is liberating for leaders and employees alike. Some practical ways to foster acceptance include:

Role modeling imperfection. Admit your own missteps and areas for growth to show vulnerability builds trust.
Reframing mistakes. View errors not as personal failures but opportunities to learn. Celebrate trying new things, even if they don't pan out.
Focusing on strengths. Help people build on natural talents rather than fixating on weaknesses. Match projects to play to diverse skills.
Practicing self-compassion. Leaders can coach self-talk that is encouraging versus self-critical after setbacks.
Normalizing imperfect outcomes. Accept that not every initiative will be perfectly successful due to unpredictability.
Valuing diversity of perspectives. Different life experiences mean people will never see eye-to-eye on everything. Appreciate diverse viewpoints.

Research shows accepting imperfection reduces stress, improves well-being, fosters innovation, and leads to higher performance over the long term (Murphy & MacLaren, 2009). Leaders who embrace their own humanness create a culture where people can bring their authentic, imperfect selves to work each day.

Leadership In ActionTo bring the research to life, consider how leaders at Patagonia exemplify embracing imperfection. As the outdoor apparel giant's former CEO explained, "all businesses make mistakes and have flaws. But companies shouldn't try to cover them up or pretend they don't exist" (Chouinard & Stanley, 2011).

At Patagonia, admitting errors is viewed not as a sign of weakness but of pushing innovation. On my visit to their headquarters, a manager proudly showed off flawed prototype jackets to demonstrate lessons learned. Employees are encouraged to propose bold product ideas knowing some may not work out as planned. By showing vulnerability, Patagonia cultivates an environment where risks feel safe to take.

Likewise, Whole Foods CEO John Mackey advocates "conscious capitalism" where profits co-exist with purpose (Mackey & Sisodia, 2014). He argues most companies treat employees as replaceable parts to optimize, whereas Whole Foods instead helps people discover innate talents. Leaders identify individual strengths and play to them through flexible roles, even if some tasks don't get done perfectly. As a result, Whole Foods has lower turnover while empowering staff to bring more of their whole selves to the job each day.

Through these real-world leadership examples, we see that embracing imperfection boosts innovation, well-being and retention - key factors for organizational success. By supporting people as works in progress rather than demands for perfection, leaders cultivate peak performance in a sustainable way.

Practical Application For Leaders

To translate these findings into your own leadership practice, consider the following action steps:

Assess Your Perfectionist Tendencies: Using a self-assessment tool like the Frost Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale, identify where you show perfectionist behaviors (Frost et al., 1990). Common signs include critical self-talk, fear of making mistakes, discomfort with uncertainty, and rigid thinking. Awareness of tendencies sets the stage to adopt a more compassionate stance.
Admit Your Own Imperfections: Intentionally share vulnerabilities with your team in meetings or one-on-ones. Explain a time a project didn't go as planned and what you learned. Openness builds trust as others see you as human too.
Establish an Imperfection-Embracing Culture: Involve staff in crafting values and behaviors aligned with accepting mistakes as learning opportunities. Foster self-compassion through everyday language choices. For example, say "What can we learn from this experience?" versus "Who's to blame?"
Shift Performance Reviews: Instead of scoring staff on flawless goal achievement, focus reviews on progress made towards strengths. Provide supportive feedback for further growth. Celebrate resilient attitudes more than perfect results.
Cultivate an Experimentation Mindset: Don't punish failure but reward calculated risks and bold ideas - even if all don't work out. Applaud lessons gained from apparent "misses" to encourage innovative thinking.
Practice Self-Compassion Yourself: Engage informal mindfulness practices like breathing exercises to build inner reassurance during stressful times. This leader self-care models how to boost well-being through imperfection's inevitable ups and downs.

Conclusion

Fixing yourself through relentless self-improvement rarely works due to human limitations. The research evidence is compelling - embracing imperfection through acceptance and compassion better fosters peak performance, innovation, well-being and retention over the long haul. As organizational leaders, we can play a crucial role in shifting cultural mindsets from perfectionism to an experimentation mindset where focusing on intrinsic strengths and learning from inevitable mistakes creates peak opportunities for sustainable success. By embracing our shared imperfect humanness, we cultivate understanding workplaces where people bring their whole, Works-in-progress selves each day.

References

Besser, A., & Zeigler-Hill, V. (2018). Positive personality features and stress among first-year university students: The mediating role of mindfulness. Anxiety, Stress & Coping, 31(3), 245-258.
Brown, B. (2015). Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent, and lead. Penguin.
Cain, S. (2012). Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking. Broadway Books.
Chouinard, Y., & Stanley, V. (2011). The responsible company: What we've learned from Patagonia's first 40 years. Patagonia.
Flett, G. L., & Hewitt, P. L. (Eds.). (2002). Perfectionism and maladjustment: An overview of theoretical, definitional, and treatment issues. American Psychological Association.
Frost, R. O., Marten, P., Lahart, C., & Rosenblate, R. (1990). The dimensions of perfectionism. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 14(5), 449-468.
Iskender, M. (2009). The relationship between self-acceptance, emotional intelligence, and internet addiction. Social Behavior and Personality: An International Journal, 37(2), 231-240.
Mackey, J., & Sisodia, R. (2014). Conscious capitalism: Liberating the heroic spirit of business. Harvard Business Review Press.
Murphy, M. C., & MacLaren, I. (2009). Psychometric properties of the Frost Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale in a UK sample of obsessive-compulsive disorder patients. Personality and Individual Differences, 47(5), 379-383.

Jonathan H. Westover, PhD is Chief Academic & Learning Officer (HCI Academy); Chair/Professor, Organizational Leadership (UVU); OD Consultant (Human Capital Innovations). Read Jonathan Westover's executive profile here.

Suggested Citation: Westover, J. H. (2025). Why You Should Stop Trying to Fix Yourself. Human Capital Leadership Review, 22(3). doi.org/10.70175/hclreview.2020.22.3.2